Happily Ever After
by Risknight
Summary: A jealous queen, some weird dwarves and a demon monkey. What more could you want? Blame the rating on the raccoons.


**I don't own The Big Bang Theory or it's characters. This is apparently what happens when I get bored at work.**

* * *

Princess Penny was beautiful. Hair like sunbeams, eyes like emeralds, skin like gold. Everyone loved her enormously. Everyone except her stepmother, Queen Alicia. The Queen hated Penny. She hated her smile, her laugh, her looks, and she especially hated that everyone liked Penelope better.

So, she called for her huntsman and demanded he take Penelope into the forest and kill her. The huntsman, a brainless Neanderthal named Knurt, led Penny deep into the woods. They were getting close to a small cave the huntsman intended to throw her body into when a loud chittering noise rose up. Penny turned in time to see a band of angry raccoons descend on the huntsman. They swarmed over his body with ripping claws and gnashing teeth.

Penny watched in horror, unable to run away. In moments he was dead. The raccoons turned to her, mouths and paws stained with blood. "That guy's been killing our friends and family for months," the largest one said. He stepped forward a few paces. "And if you know what's good for you, little girl, you'll keep your trap shut!"

Quickly the animals scurried away and Penny was left all alone in the deep woods with a corpse. She steadied her pulse and moved further into the woods. She had no idea where she was, but surely the forest had to end somewhere. Right?

Eventually she came to a small clearing. A tiny cottage set in the middle. Penny walked over to it and looked in the windows. She saw seven tiny chairs, and seven tiny beds. Penny stepped inside and looked around. "Maybe children live here," she mumbled to herself. She heard voices coming closer, so she walked back outside. Seven little people paused and stared at her. Penny smiled sweetly.

"Hello," she said. "I'm Penny. I was lost in the woods."

One guy stepped forward, smiling widely. His tight purple tunic was fastened closed with an enormous belt buckle shaped like a griffin. "I'm Horny."

Penny stared at him with wide eyes and another little man with a hooded tunic stepped closer, elbowing the first one in the stomach.

"That's his name," the second one said. "I'm Needy. These are our friends" One by one, the others introduced themselves. Lispy kept calling her Woxanne. Mumbles was mute. Downer spoke in a depressing monotone. The last two were girls. Witchy had glasses and long dark curls. Squeaky had glasses, too and was blond and very buxom.

"It's very nice to meet you," Penny said. "Could I stay with you? For a little bit at least?"

"Sure," said Witchy. "But there are some house rules. Tallest person does the cooking, cleaning, vacuuming, laundry, mowing, and gardening."

Penny frowned. "What do the others do?"

Horny leered at her. "Watch you."

Twenty minutes later Penny crossed a rope bridge over a stream. Her foot still hurt from kicking the dwarf. She sat down on a rock and rubbed her tender toes. "Stupid belt buckle," she muttered. She sat there for a long time, trying to decide what she was going to do.

Across the meadow she saw a tall, lean man striding back and forth. He appeared very agitated. Penny stood and made her way towards him. As she drew closer, she could hear him talking aloud. Suddenly he stopped and looked at her with wide eyes.

"Who are you?" he asked loudly.

"Tell her to go away!" a tiny voice said. The man flapped a hand in the air by his head and stared at her expectantly.

"I'm Penny," she said softly. "I'm trying to find a home."

The man frowned. "Where did you leave yours?"

"I don't like her! She's ugly!" the tiny voice said again.

The man made a shushing noise. "Well?" he asked.

Penny frowned and looked around curiously. "I didn't leave it anywhere. I was forced to abandon it. My stepmother wants me dead."

"Good!" cried the little voice mirthfully.

He sighed and shrugged apologetically. "Please forgive my companion. She is quite rude. My name is Sheldon."

Penny turned in a circle. "What companion?"

Sheldon turned and pulled off his coat. A small demon monkey was clinging to his back, and glaring at her. It's little hands were twisted into his clothes. Penny looked up at him.

"Why is it on your back?" she asked.

Sheldon looked resigned. "She's always on my back. I'd give anything to get Ames off me."

Penny tapped her bottom lip with one fingertip. "Really? If I get rid of her for you, can I live with you? I'd rather not be homeless."

Sheldon looked at her appraisingly. "Do you like science fiction?" Penny shrugged. "Do you whistle?" Penny shook her head again. Sheldon sighed. "Okay then, you have a deal. Get rid of her, and you'll live with me."

Penny stepped close and looked at the irate creature carefully. She moved a hand slowly toward the creature's hands, it's eyes following her movements, waiting to strike out. Quickly Penny's other hand shot out and grabbed the demon's tail. She wrapped it twice around her hand and then jerked backwards, just as the hand in front of it darted forward and poke it in the eyes.

The little demon monkey shrieked loudly and let go of Sheldon to clutch at it's face. Penny dashed to the stream and threw it in the water, where it was quickly swallowed by a small shark. Sheldon was so relieved, he grabbed up Penny around the waist and danced her across the meadow and through the woods to his home where they lived happily ever after.

* * *

Bright green eyes peered up at Sheldon from beneath a riot of dark curls. "Daddy, is that really what happened?"

Sheldon placed a kiss on Sabrina's forehead and tucked the blankets up under her chin. "Of course it is. A jealous queen, some weird dwarves, and your mommy saving me from the demon. All true."

The little girl yawned widely and smiled. "I like that story."

Sheldon stood and turned out the light. "Me, too," he said softly. He moved out into the hall and found his wife leaning against the wall smiling.

"You realize that's why she called Leonard a dwarf, right?" Penny chastised gently.

Sheldon grinned and wrapped his arms around her from behind. He tenderly rubbed her swollen stomach and placed a kiss behind her ear. "He is. Now, you're supposed to be resting with your feet up. Why aren't you in bed?"

Penny laid her head back against him. "I was lonely."

Sheldon smiled warmly. He took her hand and drew her down the hall. "Easily remedied."

And they lived happily ever after.


End file.
